Looking back

Looking back on my life, I can see so many things clearly now.

Although I am only 38, I missed most of my childhood due to

feeling inadequate, not good enough, and lonely.  I always felt like

I saw things so different than others did and that rules did not apply.

I know I was smart.  I learned quicker than most, but got bored.  I went

out looking for someone who could make me feel accepted like

I couldn’t accept myself and that’s when I ran smack into drugs

and alcohol.  The people doing those things seemed to have a kind of love

they shared.  What you did was ok.  If there was no answer for something

it was ok,  just find a new question, “ Wrong!”  Still I had this burning desire

to care for someone, just not myself.  I thought that surely if I made someone

else complete it, it would all fall in place.  Wrong again.  It all fell apart.

I fell for people that could never have filled that empty hole in me,

 though some tried. Others had their own issues, but I can say

now,  and not in a poor pitiful me way, I have lost my home, people,

and all my earthly belongings.  I lost friends, but I can say I have known friendship.  I am blessed, not crazy, thanks to my crazy life.